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Author's Chapter Notes:
A little bit of nonsense for you! I posted this on LGM recently, but thought I'd also post it here so it could be archived with all my other stuff.

Those waiting for you know what won't have to wait much longer, now I can withstand the glare of the screen for a while. *winks*

Getting out of her car at the San early one afternoon in January, Hilda Annersley, the dignified and stately Headmistress of the Chalet School, slipped on the hard-packed snow, banging her head sharply on the wheel arch, and falling unconscious to the floor. She lay there undetected for so long that her body gradually froze, her heartbeat slowing down so much as to give the impression of death.

Her body was finally discovered by two visiting professors and carried inside, where a fractured skull was diagnosed. Without warning, Joey Maynard appeared on the scene and had a few quiet words with her doctor husband, Jack, after which it was decided to keep Hilda in a frozen state of suspended animation. Joey, after all, could twist Jack round her little finger, always had and always would.

Some hours later, Nell Wilson, Headmistress of St Mildred’s, arrived to look for her friend. Alas, she too slipped and fell, in exactly the exact same spot and suffering the exact same injury. She also suffered the exact same fate as her friend - placed on a cold slab in a freezing room in suspended animation,.

“Strike two,” mumbled Joey gleefully to herself, reclining against her lime green cushions on her lime green settee in her lime green Salon.

It was strike three when the same thing happened to Matron Lloyd, come in search of her friends. She was placed on an icy slab in a state of suspended animation.

Joey hugged those cushions ever closer to her chest and thought of all the times she had been bested, or dosed, or berated, or ignored by one of those three authoritarian figures in her life. Now see what would happen to her sister’s precious school without three of its foundation stones!

Her sister, of course, was out of reach, as indeed was Jem Russell, Madge’s husband. Otherwise, he would have been the very first to go! He had always played the heavy-handed father, driving her demented! Who else was there, she wondered idly? Jeanne de Lachennais, perhaps! She ought to wait a day or two, though, or suspicions might be aroused by all these so-called important people disappearing at the same time!

Joey, however, had reckoned without her old adversaries and their many talents. Lying in suspended animation, Hilda’s steely self-control kicked in. The crack in her skull mended itself in obedience to her formidable will, and she regained consciousness. Her eyes snapped open. The ice encasing her body shattered into a million tiny icicles that flew hither and thither, making mellow music. Her heart beat began to speed up, warming her limbs, and she was soon able to slip down from the concrete slab.

She leaned over Nell’s body. Placing her index finger on Nell’s forehead she communed silently with her closest friend.

Come on, my dear! Up with you! Use that phenomenal physical strength of yours. Or better yet, your natural belligerence which takes no prisoners.

She waited patiently, and finally felt the snap under her finger as Nell’s skull mended itself. There was a second snap when Nell’s eyelids opened, and grim grey eyes locked onto hers. Hilda moved away before the ice encasing Nell shattered, the sharp, jagged pieces skewering into the floor like lethal daggers. Death to the perpetrator, thought Hilda to herself. Her smile shone with a fierce anticipation when Nell tottered off her icy bed.

They traded looks that spoke volumes, then moved across to Matron Lloyd and leaned over her small, wiry body.

They each placed a finger on her forehead and chanted in unison: “Come on, Gwynneth, less of the spineless jellyfish. Make use of that sardonic tongue and snippy impatience of yours that make us all jump to your bidding.”

Matey’s skull must have scurried around in hasty obedience to the commands of her two Headmistresses, because the ice that encased her began to crack on the instant. The two women jumped smartly out of the way as hard, icy bullets shot in all directions, aiming for doors and walls.

“Typical!” muttered Nell, as Matey rose from her icy bed. “Hit where it hurts, why don’t you, Gwynneth? I’ve never known you yet to pull your punches, so why start now?”

Matey gave her a glacial stare. Nell returned the look with equal venom. Hilda sighed impatiently. They stood in that cold, silent room and considered each other’s faces.

“Joey!” they cried in unison.

Without another word, they marched out of the San on bare feet, still dressed in their white hospital gowns, the backs gaping open and flapping wildly in the icy breeze. Hilda stalked ahead like an avenging fury. They prowled through the car park until they found a car with its keys still in the ignition. Purloining it without compunction, Hilda calmly pushed the other two into the back seat, climbed behind the steering wheel and took off so sharply and swiftly that they were pressed back into their seats with the force.

Nell eyed her thoughtfully from the back seat. “The proverbial bat out of Hell! Not your usual style at all, dear girl! Anger? Tut, tut!” She laughed with maniacal glee.

Hilda stared sternly straight ahead, making no reply. Arriving at Freudesheim, they strode into Joey’s lime-green Salon, where she was gorging herself on cream-filled, lime green meringues. Her green-tinted lips wore a satisfied smirk. The next instant, a half-eaten meringue bit the dust, the green cream trampled underfoot as the three friends carried her, kicking and screaming, into the utility room. Along one luminous lime green wall stood an imposing lime green chest freezer. Hilda silently opened the lid, removed the mostly lime green contents and threw them on the floor. The three women manhandled the struggling, shrieking Joey Into the the freezer, laid her none too gently on the bottom of it and covered her with all her precious cartons of lime green ice cream, which she was fond of eating in vast quantities at all hours of the day and night.

Hilda, Nell and Matey sat on the lime green lid to prevent Joey escaping. Smiling broadly, their legs swung in unison while they waited for the loud banging and sharp cries for help to die away. Jack’s doctoring skills would be of no use to him – or his wife! – by the time he galloped to her rescue.

Hilda brushed her hands to remove the last particles of lime green ice from her hospital gown and smiled ruthlessly, her eyes as cold as the ice, though not as green!

“Anger, did you say, Nell? As you rightly pointed out, that’s not my style! No, it’s justice, lime green justice – without any possibility of mercy!”


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